The Struggles of being A Beautiful Black Woman

Recently, I went to a club out in Manhattan. Going to a club for me is a rare scene. There’s way too many people, lights, and noise.  As my night ends, and my friend and I head to the door, I felt a tap on my shoulder. Apparently some guy wanted to dance with me. Already tired and annoyed by the heat and people I declined his offer, but after he asked again I figured, well what’s the harm in one dance? I can just dance, leave, and never see this guy or this place again. I reluctantly obliged.  So, as we’re dancing he tells me how he thinks I’m beautiful. I’m not a churlish woman, so I said thank you. However, I didn’t know if it was the heat, or the people or what it was that made me become more and more annoyed. I realized that it wasn’t any of that. Maybe, I just sensed what was going to come out of his mouth next. It was what he was going to say that drove me to a feeling of indignation.

After his initial compliment, he subsequently followed it with telling me how beautiful I was again, and then proceeded to tell me that I look Spanish or “Mixed with something.” Anyone who knows me in real life knows that I don’t look Spanish or mixed. It’s really the combination of these statements “You’re beautiful” and” You looked mixed or Spanish” that irritates me.

I know I’m not the only black woman who has encountered this, and this is definitely not MY first time hearing someone give me a compliment about my aesthetics, then follow it up with a question or statement about my race. Why can’t  black women just be beautiful period?! Why are we thought to be “mixed with something” in order to be beautiful. Furthermore, I am beautiful because I am me! No one decided I was beautiful, and no one will decide that I’m beautiful especially if my beauty is based on me being mixed with another race! You decided you are beautiful as soon as you understand who you are, and as long as you are constantly evolving as a woman you will constantly be beautiful.


I remember telling a guy who did the same thing that the only thing I am mixed with is with black, black, and more black



It’s an arrant shame that women of other races, don’t get told this! No one comes to them and compliments them on how beautiful they are and says, “Oh, well what are you mixed with?”  Men don’t tell beautiful Asian women that they must be mixed with Hispanic descent, they don’t tell Middle Eastern  women that they must be mixed with Asian in order to be beautiful. But,  for some reason we as black women must be mixed with something in order to be considered beautiful.  This unfortunate idea about the black woman’s beauty being attributed to being mixed suggests that it is aesthetically impossible for a black woman to just be black and be beautiful! Wrong! And please don’t get me started on the black men who dont like black women! SMH.


So to my ignorant men and many others, deem a woman beautiful because you find her beautiful period. Deem her beautiful because of her mind, spirit, and intelligence. Leave her race and ethnicity out of it.

~”Beauty is a conscious choice created by a holistic understanding of who you are and who you can become” ~

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