My Blog

It Is Or It Ain’t: Intuition and How to Really Use It

There’s this thing that we all have. Some of us are more keen towards it and use it more often than others. It’s that little voice inside of us that tells us when to stop when all we want to do is go. It’s like a sixth sense, and personally I believe women have a lot more of it than men do. It’s intuition!
Whether you call it a “gut feeling”, your conscious, or the Holy Spirit as I like to call it. We ALL have it, and for the most part we all hear it. We hear it when it tells us to do the very thing we know we should do. However, the one thing we also ALL have in common is that we don’t always listen to our intuition and that’s the problem. We have it, we hear it, but we don’t listen to it. Why?!  Our intuition is literally their to save our lives, save us from heartbreak, and save us from paths not meant for us, so why is it that we sometimes don’t listen to it?

I was in a situation where I KNEW something was off about this guy. I just didn’t know WHAT was off, but deep down inside something just didn’t feel right. However I went into it anyway and let me tell you I could’ve saved myself a lot of wasted time and emotional energy. See,the problem isn’t that we don’t hear intuition when it calls, we just don’t listen,and I’ve found out that it’s not necessarily that we’re hard headed individuals who want to waste time and go into things not meant for us, it’s HOPE, RATIONALIZATION, and POTENTIAL that somehow trumps intuition and sends it out the window.

How many of us have  been in particular situations where we know we should get out STAT but instead we RATIONALIZE by convincing ourselves that were over thinking the situation? We may force ourselves to just “chill out” and once we do that everything will be fine,right? WRONG! At least in my case my intuition kept coming back, that feeling that I just couldn’t explain kept attacking me, and I kept ignoring it. I wanted so badly to believe this guy. I wanted to believe when he told me I was over reacting, it’s my fault, or I needed to take a chill pill. I rationalized my way through and through. Come to find out I was feeling this exact way for a reason. Reasons which became clear much later. Hind sight is 20/20 but I can definitely say rationalizing played a role in keeping me around longer.

Now let’s discuss HOPE. Hope is another major factor that aids us in disregarding our intuition.  Hope lets us believe that the situation we’re in isn’t really how it appears to be and that things will get “better.” Please! Nothing gets better until you make it better, and sometimes what involves making things better is leaving a situation not fit for you. Hope allows us to hold onto said words even though we know in our hearts it’s not right! We reach and hold onto anything that will sustain our belief in what we WANT even though we know its bad for us. Sometimes what we want isn’t best. We would all do ourselves a huge favor of we just looked at things for what they are, trust our own selves and proceed into what’s best for us.

So, potential is just that. It’s POTENTIAL! Remember you want to be with someone who is what you’re looking for, not someone who COULD BE what you’re looking for. When it comes to potential, I think the deadliest thing is when we create ideas in our head of how this person should be based on our expectations or based on what we desire in a lover. That person may NOT be that at all, and even if you were to give this person all the time in the world, they may NEVER be that person. Nowadays there is absolutely no time to waste. It either is or it ain’t and there’s nothing wrong  with walking away when it’s just not right.

Understanding why we don’t always listen to our intuition has helped me listen to it way more nowadays, and not just when it comes to my relationships. I never doubt,hope,rationalize any situation. Like my mom always told me, ” Always go with your first thought!” For anyone who struggles with listening to your intuition I really hope this helped. Remember this: The more you use your intuition and adhere to it, the stronger it becomes.

 

White  Privilege and Rape Culture:Why We Just Can’t Get It Right

I usually display a new post every Friday, but in the wake of the recent sentence of Stanford student in regards to the rape case I just could not wait to voice my opinion on this critical issue. A male Stanford student, Turner, who had  been on a swimming scholarship and had hopes of one day participating in the Olympics was convicted of a sexual assault case in which he was accused of raping a 23 year old woman.  Although she was not a student of Standford, she was sexual assaulted by Turner while attending a fraternity party.  Despite Turner’s acts, he was given a fairly light sentence of 2 years probation and 6 months jail time.

I have no words for the way America views the rape of women. Somehow women have become culpable for acts of rape. We have become the victims of sexual assault. Sexual assault acts that have been  against us!  It is not an issue of how much alcohol was involved at this party and it is not an issue of promiscuity.  The issue is that, still in 2016, people believe that a woman has very little control over her body and is somehow deemed to be a part of the problem in issues of rape.  A woman should have the ability to walk down the street naked if she pleases without any man accosting her and sexually assaulting her. It is HER body for God’s sake!  According to the New York Times, apparently Turner will spend his days on probation educating his peers about the dangers of alcohol and sexual promiscuity. Ummmmm…Excuse me sir, but rape is a matter of consent and has little to do with sexual promiscuity.  How dare you use rape and sexual promiscuity interchangeably!

Turner, according to his father, has suffered depression and anxiety due to the events leading up to the trial, and will now have to register as a sex offender. BOO HOO! I’m so sad! At the end of the day, Turner does not want to take responsibility for his actions. You are the offender here sir! You went against a woman’s wish and took advantage of HER body. Alcohol did not do it, even if she was dressed in a provocative manner, that did not do it! Your privilege did it! Some where along the lines, I’m sure Turner and others like him believe that their accolades,status, and success will allow them to not be culpable for their actions!  The judge claims that a longer sentence for Turner would have a negative impact on his life SERIOUSLY! What about the unconscious young woman who will be scarred for life because a monster invaded and violated her body?!

Who cares if you go to Stanford and have a swimming scholarship! Does a woman’s wishes and control over HER body not take precedence over your success!? TUH! White privilege is Turner’s issue. But, not only is it Turner’s issue, it’s Americas issue. I suggest that he deserves way more than 6 months jail time and two years probation.  Rape is black and white. “Yes” means yes and “No” means no. What if Turner was a black male, we all know the story would be very different, but that’s a discussion for another day.   A woman’s body belongs to HER, and no one else. The victim blaming will not end until America understands that simple fact!

Value or No Value: How You Determine Yours

Have you ever asked yourself, “Who am I”? Who and what do you see when you look in the mirror? Sometimes, people can often see you in a certain way, but that doesn’t mean that’s who you are. What it means is that they have a perception of you. A perception that is subjective. Who is anybody to say who YOU are. The only thing that is important is who you actually are and how you see yourself.

What  I’ve come to realize through my experiences is that people will treat you the way they see you and think about you. My friend was telling me about a dating fiasco she was involved in.  She sat down with me and told me during her healing process one of several things she had to realize was that the guy she was fighting for did not give a single care about her, and that’s when she got better. Of course it hurts at first, but once you sit back and take an objective perspective to your situation and acknowledge the truth you begin to move through things a lot quicker. When people truly care about you they value you. Meaning, they value you enough to treat you with true respect and see you for who you truly are.
Depending on how close someone or something is to you, sometimes it can be almost devastating when that person or thing doesn’t share the same idea of yourself that you do or see you in the way you would like. But one thing I want to share is that someone who values and who is meant to be a part of your life WILL see your true heart. They will see you for you and never put themselves in a position to lose you in any way. You cannot be concerned with a person who doesn’t value you, neither can you care about how they feel towards you. Someone who doesn’t value you can’t be important to you. Are you really going to let someone who is not important alter your perception of who you really are? No!

A while ago use to care about what people thought about me, but as I matured to be who I am today, I could actually care less about the opinions of any man or woman for that matter. The opinions of others do NOT matter. Now, don’t confuse the opinions of others with constructive criticism. As you grow in life you need people who can be honest with you, point out your wrongs or issues, and help you correct them. In that instance it’s all about having enough discernment to know whether or not the person who is giving you constructive criticism is ordained to speak into your life. Remember you cannot just take advice from ANYBODY. Not everyone is ordained to speak into your life.

However, getting back to the topic at hand; The only thing that matters is how you see yourself and how God sees you. God gave us authority. He made us masters over the land and made us in His image after His likeness. He took a step back after he finished creating man and woman and said it is very good. He didn’t say, “It’s good” or “Its okay”, or “Ehhh there could be other good things out there.” NO! He said it is VERY good. YOU are VERY good. So, the next time you feel as if you are not being valued or you find yourself being the slightest bit concerned with what others say or think firstly, walk away and just know that YOU are fabulous. Why? Because God himself saw you and created you. He gave you value and said YOU are VERY good!

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